Blighted Loyalty
by StayClose
Summary: Set a couple of months after the end of DA2, we find Hawke drinking alone in a spit and sawdust tavern in Ostwick. She's attacked and taken prisoner by two men. This is the story of who and why, a short story of love and loyalty. Rated M due to violence, torture, swearing, and sex. F!Hawke/Fenris, Anders/F!Hawke/Fenris Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1 - Drinking alone

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

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A pretty young elf was singing for tips next to the roaring fireplace on the far wall, some old song about valour and self-sacrifice. Listening to the babble of mundane chatter in the tavern around her, Hawke wondered what any of them knew of battle, of pain, of losing everything.

The wooden table was criss-crossed with knife marks and scars. Sighing, she ran the tip of her finger across one of the deeper cuts and eyed the empty chairs around her. Dear Maker, she missed Varric the most when she was drinking alone in a place like this. What she would give to hear him tell one of his stories as he matched her drink-for-drink. Kirkwall was now several hundred miles behind her, her friends scattered to the winds, and she could only hope that they were all still alive and safe, somewhere.

Hawke downed the rest of her drink and pushed back from the table. She stood up unsteadily.

_Probably should have had more to eat today-_

She stopped as a hand grasped her left shoulder, and the pressure of a blade dug in above her right kidney.

'Hawke,' his voice, as deep and as rich as liquid velvet.

'Fenris. Is that a knife in my back, or are you just happy to see me?' she asked.

His grip loosened slightly. 'I regret having to do this-'

In one fluid movement she turned and disarmed him then pushed him back towards the nearest wall. Hawke slammed the tall elf into the brickwork, and brought the dagger up to his throat. He might be as strong as fuck, but she would always be faster.

'After all we've been through, and you'd stab me in the back? Again?' she hissed, and tightened her grip on the knife.

Green eyes held hers. 'Please, don't make this any harder than it has to be.'

'Any harder?' Hawke asked, raising an eyebrow. She moved her hips against his and watched to see him blush. 'Oh yeah, I'd forgotten you like it rough.'

His eyes flicked over her shoulder, but before she could turn she felt the ice of a blade at her neck.

'Let him go, Hawke.'

_Well, shit._

'I should've known,' she said. Hawke glared at Fenris for a tense moment, before taking a step back. She turned towards Sebastian. The prince watched her carefully, and nodded towards Fenris.

'The dagger, give it back,' said Sebastian.

Hawke shrugged and held it out, keeping her eyes locked on Sebastian. Fenris' fingers brushed hers as he took it.

She was aware that all the conversation around the room had stopped, and that the tavern's patrons must now be watching them with interest. There was nothing like a good bar fight to liven up an evening on the mead.

'So... what now?' she asked.

'Just tell us where he is,' Sebastian had lowered his dagger but kept it angled towards her.

Hawke smiled and spread her arms wide. 'You might as well kill me now.'

'You would die for that... creature?' Fenris asked, his voice cold. She looked over her shoulder at him.

'As I would for either of you,' she replied. It was simple, and she meant it. Fenris blinked.

'If that is your wish, Hawke,' Sebastian's tone drew her attention, and she focused on the handsome archer.

'Ooh, I'm not just going to stand here and make it easy for you,' she said, reaching for her weapons. She stumbled backwards a step before white pain exploded from the side of her face, and her world went black.


	2. Chapter 2 - Antivan knots

The smell. That's what she noticed first. Damp earth and oily smoke. Hawke opened her eyes and had to clench her teeth against the wave of nausea that rolled over her. Her left eye was swollen and sticky, and the whole side of her face ached in time to her heartbeat. She was sat on a chair, her hands tied behind her and her feet bound by the ankles to the chair legs. Her weapons were gone; the twin blades she kept on her back, the throwing knives at her hip and the spare knife she kept on her left ankle. She had expected no less, but to take her boots too? The bastards.

She leant over to the right as far as she could, and spat on the floor. 'Shit.'

What was it she had thought back in the tavern, that she was faster than him? Evidently not after six pints of Ostwick's finest pale ale. She spat again and sat up.

The room she found herself in was some kind of large cellar, with a hard-packed dirt floor and spider webs hanging from all four corners of the high vaulted ceiling. Several torches illuminated the room from the walls, and a set of stone steps led up to a door her right. To her left was another door.

Hawke tested the knots of rope at her wrists and swore again. At least someone had been paying attention when she had demonstrated Antivan restraint techniques all those years ago.

She closed her eyes again and tried to get as comfortable as she could. Hawke wouldn't shout or scream for help. She would save her energy, she would wait.

xxx

Hawke had managed to fall asleep, but she didn't know for how long. What she did know is that she now had a hangover adding to her throbbing head. She woke as Sebastian pulled open the wooden door at the top of the cellar steps and walked casually down towards where she was tied. She tried to work some feeling back into her fingers and yawned.

Sebastian was wearing a white shirt with the sleeves pushed up to his elbows, and dark colored trousers. A dagger hung from his hip.

He stopped just in front of her and spread his hands. 'You have Fenris to thank for this,' he said, indicating both the room and the situation she was in. 'He convinced me that we should be able to get you to talk. Considering how easily he murdered his own sister, you should count yourself lucky. I think he's still sweet on you.'

'Yeah, nothing screams romance like being knocked out and tied up in a cellar,' Hawke said, '...unless you're Isabella.'

Sebastian laughed. 'Oh, Hawke. I'll make this bargain with you. You have one last chance to tell me, of your own free will, where Anders is hiding. And I'll let you go.' He stepped closer to brush her hair behind her ear on the uninjured side of her face. 'I loved you too, once.'

'Go take a flying fuck at a charging hurlock, you cock-sucking son of a bitch,' said Hawke. She smiled sweetly up at him.

Sebastian's face hardened. 'I hadn't missed that mouth of yours. It really is most unbecoming.' The prince turned on his heel and walked back towards the steps. 'Come the morning, you will beg for the mercy I would have shown you tonight. Hold on to that thought, and be honest with yourself that Anders would do the same for you.'

The door slammed shut behind him. Hawke closed her eyes, and tried to control her breathing.

_Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck._


	3. Chapter 3 - How to treat a lady

A short while later, the door at the top of the steps opened again. This time it was Fenris who descended the stone steps, carrying a bowl of water. He was still wearing his armor, but no weapon, and he had a blue rag thrown over one shoulder. He moved so gracefully, not a single drop of water slopped from the bowl. He placed it down in front of Hawke, and pulled a chair over from against the wall.

Without saying a word, he sat down opposite her and started to tear the rag into small strips. She watched him for several minutes.

'Why? Why not just kill me?' Hawke asked finally.

Fenris stopped and looked into her eyes. 'I spared your life, as you did mine. I... felt I owed you a debt.'

Her face flushed.

...

_Hawke looked down as she gasped for air. Fenris could have been sleeping if not for the blood at the corner of his mouth. Her own blood ran from a cut he had opened in her upper arm and dripped from her hand as she switched the grip on her weapon. She pressed the tip of the deadly silverite blade into his chest, above his heart._

_Screams of the dying filled the air. Fireballs and arrows soared overhead and the ground shook with the rumble of a distant explosion._

_'I love you,' whispered Hawke. She hesitated. 'Ah, shit.' Hawke ran over to a group of Templars. She ducked several clumsy sword swings and grabbed the one who looked to be the most senior. He stared at her with wide eyes. 'Champion...' he breathed._

_'Listen, just get him somewhere safe. He's on your side.' Hawke pointed at the unconscious elf laid in the courtyard of The Gallows. 'Please.'_

_..._

Fenris took off his pointed metal gloves and dipped a strip of rag into the water. He moved his hand towards her face. 'I am sorry,' he said. Hawke let him clean the blood from the cut above her eyebrow.

'If you're sorry, then kill me now or let me go. Sebastian is fucking crazy. He's going to beat the shit out of me, and you're just going to stand by and watch?'

'Don't let it get that far, just tell us where he is. Please, you could end all this-'

'I can't!' The force of her reply made him sit back in surprise. A moment passed.

'He doesn't deserve you. That mage is an abomination, he's a danger to us all.'

'Don't you dare,' Hawke said quietly.

'Why do you defend him?'

'He stayed with me, Fenris. He was there for me. He didn't just use me and walk out.'

'I didn't use you, Hawke. Do not doubt that I loved you. I still-'

'Don't say that! Maker's breath, we barely spoke after that night, and when we did we always ended up fighting,' Hawke swallowed hard. 'No-one made me feel the way that you did. And you left me. Anders might have done some terrible things but who hasn't? There is so much blood on my hands... He's a good man, I won't betray him now,' she said then shifted in her chair. 'I need to pee.'

Fenris sighed and ran a hand through his white hair. He pushed back from the chair opposite and walked back up the steps. At the top, he opened the door and spoke in a low voice and two large men accompanied him back down and positioned themselves at either side of her. One had long blonde hair and a matching beard, the other was bald with a tattooed face. The two men held her arms while Fenris untied the rope that fastened her legs to the chair. Beardy and Baldy hauled Hawke to her feet and marched her to the only other door in the cellar while she complained about their smell. Fenris unlocked the door and pulled it open. Inside was a bare storeroom, with a pile of straw in one corner and a bucket in the other. There were no torches. When the door closed, it would be pitch black.

'Wow, fellas. You sure know how to treat a lady,' remarked Hawke before she was pushed roughly through the doorway.

'You need to learn to keep quiet, mage-lover,' said Beardy. He took a step towards her and started to unbuckle his belt. 'Let's see if choking on a real man's cock can shut you up.'

Hawke, still with her arms tied behind her back, set herself in her dancing fighter's stance.

'Come on then big boy, you'll be dead before you hit the floor.'

Beardy chuckled and advanced.

'Stop. Now,' Fenris had started to glow. The colour drained from Beardy's face and he staggered away. Baldy was already backing away from the room, holding his arms up in supplication.

'Andraste's tits, I was just joking-' Beardy's voice had gone up an octave.

'Yeah, come on mate...' said Baldy.

'Get out,' growled Fenris.

'Okay, okay.'

Beardy joined Baldy on the other side of the cellar. Hawke watched Fenris as he pushed the door closed. Then she was in darkness.


	4. Chapter 4 - Evasive maneuvers

Somehow, Hawke had managed to relieve herself in the bucket and then sleep with her arms tied. When she woke, her shoulders and back were knotted in pain. Hawke groaned and tried to stretch out as much as she could.

She had no idea what time it was, but she could hear movement from the other side of the door and realised that must have been what woke her up. Scooting forward, Hawke pressed her ear against the door to listen. It sounded like people were moving furniture around out there. Her heart started to beat faster, as she pictured the scene of the cellar transformed into a torture chamber. She imagined what would happen; the pain, the blood...

_Stop it._

She made herself work through some of the breathing exercises she had learned and practised with Anders, to help him stay calm when he felt like he was going to lose control. She would not panic.

By the time the door was opened and she was dragged blinking back into the flame-lit cellar, she was almost entirely Hawke, Champion of Kirkwall again.

'You are all going to fucking die,' she said as her eyes searched the room. There were about a dozen men, mercenary types, lining the room including Beardy and Baldy. There was no sign of Fenris.

Not much had changed in the cellar, but there was now a table that had been draped with a white sheet in the centre of the room, and a number of implements had been laid out on a box beside it. She was pulled down to her knees in front of Sebastian.

'Did you sleep well, Hawke?'

'Probably better than you, your highness,' Hawke stared up into his blue eyes. 'Does the Maker now smile on torture?'

'The Maker smiles on those who follow his path, those who would protect the innocent, and those who would seek to bring punishment to the wicked.' He grabbed hold of her jaw and pulled upwards. 'You taught me that if the ends justify the means then the nature of the action is irrelevant, or don't you remember that? You and Anders have been a law unto yourselves for too long.'

Sebastian nodded to the two men on either side of her. As she started to rise, Hawke simultaneously sprang up hard from the floor and threw herself backwards. The kick she aimed at Sebastian's head missed, but she still found herself twisting out of the grip of the men stood beside her and she landed awkwardly behind them, dropping to one knee. If she died now it would totally be worth it for the look of surprise on Sebastian's face. Cursing that her arms were still bound behind her she swept the legs out from under the man on her right and dived away from the axe that her other guard swung. Hawke rolled to her feet and faced the advancing men.

Something flashed at the corner of her vision, and it felt like she had been punched in the chest. Reeling, Hawke looked down to see the hilt of a throwing knife sticking out just under her collar bone.

'Maker's balls,' she said, as an icy pain spread from the blade and her vision began to double. She looked over at Sebastian. 'Oh, you've changed...' she managed to slur, before collapsing to the floor. Darkness claimed her once more.


	5. Chapter 5 - Tell me

**Author's warning note: Torture scene - don't keep reading if this is not for you.**

Hawke opened her eyes. 'Shit.'

The relief she had felt to find that her arms were no longer tied behind her was short lived. She was now lying on her back on the table, her arms and legs bound to each corner. And she was just in her underwear. Hawke twisted her head to both sides. There was now only one man other than Sebastian that she could see in the cellar. He was tall and thin, with short black hair. He was listening to Sebastian when the prince noticed she was awake.

'Ah, Hawke, welcome back. You didn't think I would be drawn to kill you so easily? Not when you have something I want.'

The tall man had walked over to the table and now stood by her head. His pale grey eyes looked down at her without emotion. 'This is Barnabé. He's going to be the one who will... encourage you to tell me where your mage is hiding.'

'So, Barnabé, is that an Orlesian name?' Hawke asked.

'He can't talk. His tongue was ripped out by his previous master, a Tevinter magister. You however, might want to start talking about Anders any time now.'

'Fuck off, choirboy,' spat Hawke. The tall silent man had now started rummaging through the various blades and tools that lay on a nearby box. 'I won't take this personally Barnabé, I know you're just doing your job. So when I kill you I'll make it quick. But you, Sebastian, I'm gonna kill you last, and it will take hours.'

Sebastian laughed. 'Fierce, defiant little Hawke. I almost regret having to do this to you. But you have given me no choice. I remember the Chantry being blown apart by that abomination, and you standing by his side. Tell me where he is.'

'No-'

Hawke hissed as a sharp blade was pressed against her right shin. Barnabé slowly dragged the blade through the thin skin next to the bone and Hawke struggled to control her breathing against the tearing pain. Her blood ran hot down the side of her leg. In the same, slow, deliberate way, her silent torturer dug another gash alongside the first then moved to her thigh. Three more long cuts tore through her skin and Hawke could taste the metal tang of her own blood where she had bitten her bottom lip. She had not yet screamed.

Barnabé had then moved on to pressing a hot metal poker against the skin of her neck, her chest, her hip. He heated it in the flames of one of the wall torches and Hawke had screamed then as it seared her skin.

She had her ribs systematically broken one at a time: a blunt chisel held above each one then a sharp crack from a hammer stole her breath.

All the while, Sebastian had circled the room, demanding over and over:

'Tell me where he is.'

Hawke had moaned, sworn and cursed, but she would not betray the mage who loved her.

At one point during the day, a skein of water had been poured over her face and down her throat. Hawke had choked on most of it but managed to take a few grateful gulps before the pain started again.

She was cut, burned, and slapped, punched, broken, and torn.

Finally, Sebastian had called a halt for the day and he and Barnabé left Hawke alone on the table. Her head had rolled loosely to one side, her breathing shallow as each rib grated with every breath. Tears fell as her body shook uncontrollably.


	6. Chapter 6 - Blighted loyalty

_Author's note: I'm lazy. I've used straight Latin for Fenris when he drops into his own language. Just so you know._

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She was unaware that Fenris stood next to her until she heard his sharp intake of breath then a string of visceral syllables that probably meant he was swearing.

'Hawke? Can you hear me?' Fenris asked. He untied the rope around her hands and feet as she slowly opened her eyes. 'Here, drink this.'

Hawke felt his hand tilt her head up slightly and she swallowed the thick dark fluid he offered. Instantly her skin itched where the cuts began to heal and her bones ached as they knit back together. She lay still, her breathing gradually becoming less laboured. Groaning, she sat up. The sheet she sat on was now stained red and her skin was covered in blood. She didn't resist as Fenris gathered her up into his arms, and she snuggled her head against his chest while he easily carried her back to the small room that was used as her cell.

The room was now lit by a single torch, it's dancing light cast strange shadows around the room and over Fenris' face. He put her down gently on the pile of straw that served as her bed. In silence he knelt and helped her clean the blood from her body and gave her a dark green tunic to wear and some bread to eat.

Before he could move away, Hawke reached out and held onto his arm.

'Fenris...'

Anger flashed across his face and he pushed her hand away. 'Why won't you tell him where that bastard is? Why did you let them do that to you?'

'Wait, you're angry with me now? The girl who was tied down and-'

'You could have stopped this at any time but your _pestiferae fides_ to that mage-'

'My what?'

'Your blighted loyalty to him-'

'I love it when you slip into Tevinter when you're cross,' she said. Hawke smiled as Fenris seemed to forget what he was going to say next.

'I... it's Tevene, Tevinter is the region... and how can you still not be taking this seriously? They will put you through exactly the same agony tomorrow, and the day after, until you tell them.'

Hawke shrugged. 'I don't have a choice.' She looked down and rubbed at one of the new pink scars on her shin.

'Yes, you do,' he said. Fenris tilted her chin up, gently but firmly, and looked deep into her eyes. 'Please, Hawke, I can't bear to see you like that again.' With a rustle of straw he leaned forwards and kissed the corner of her mouth. 'Just tell him.'

'Please don't do this,' she said.

'What?'

'This whole act; you being so tender and caring... bollocks. If it's not real it's as much torture as being cut up. If you loved me, if you knew me, you wouldn't keep asking me to betray Anders. You should know I would rather die.'

Fenris stared at her for several long moments, then threw up his hands. 'Then you will, but not before they have made you scream a hundred times more like you did today. I give up, Hawke.'

He took the torch and slammed the door shut behind him.

Once again in darkness, Hawke curled up on the musty straw and cried quietly until she fell asleep.


	7. Chapter 7 - Cut a swathe

The next day passed in the same way, and the day after that, and the day after that. Hawke lost count. Every day she was tortured, beaten, burned, then Fenris would heal her and carry her back to her room. They didn't speak. He looked more tired with each passing day.

Hawke responded to Sebastian less and less often with her usual sarcasm and bravado but she held onto one word: 'No.'

She wept openly.

The elfroot mixture Fenris made her drink each day was having less of an effect on her wounds, and she wondered if she was becoming resistant to it. Hawke had refused to drink on several days at the beginning but Fenris had shrugged and applied the mixture directly onto the cuts and the burned skin. The itching when it was used that way was unbearable, so she relented and drank it instead. There was a dull ache in her stomach at all times.

One evening, as she laid on the table trembling and moaning, Hawke turned to see Fenris standing over her as usual. This time he held a dagger in his hand. He gazed down into her eyes.

'Please,' she whispered through swollen, bloody lips. She watched him swallow hard then bring the blade to her throat. Hawke blinked back tears as the point of the dagger she had bought him all those years ago now pressed against her neck. His hand shook. 'It's okay,' she said.

'I can't do this.'

'I need this, Fenris.'

He didn't move. 'No. No, you need to live, Hawke. I've been so blind, so stupid.' He stepped back quickly and cut the rope that tied her down.

Hawke rolled over onto her side and coughed up a mouthful of blood.

'I'm going to get you out of here,' he said. Fenris moved towards the stone steps as the door at the top was flung open. He was blasted backwards by a ball of flame as Anders burst through the door.

'You! What have you done to her?' the blonde mage roared as he rushed down the steps. Fenris had just managed to stagger to his feet, smoking, when Anders reached him and slammed him back to the floor with his staff.

'Anders, wait,' Hawke cried before she curled up in pain and coughed again. More blood ran from her mouth and down her chin, and it felt like her insides were being torn apart.

Then Anders was by her side, his hands warm against her skin as beautiful blue light poured from them to heal her broken body. Hawke felt her skin tingling and every ache and pain being soothed away. She reached out a bloodstained hand to his face. His eyebrows were drawn in concentration but he planted a small kiss on her palm as she stroked his cheek.

Over his shoulder, Hawke watched as Fenris ran up the steps, the lines of lyrium etched into his skin glowing, and she heard the gargled scream of a man dying at his hands.

'Be quick, Anders, there are more coming,' Fenris shouted down.

'Just... keep them off me.'

Several more times she heard Fenris engaging with Sebastian's men, and she wondered just how many of them there were in the building.

When he was finished, Anders let out a long shuddering sigh. Fenris appeared by his side as Hawke sat up. The elf had been sprayed with blood, and his metal gloves were slick and red.

'We must move now,' said Fenris.

Anders turned and grabbed him by the neck. Fenris, to his credit, didn't instantly break his arm in three places.

'I am taking Hawke out of here, I don't give a shit what happens to you,' said Anders.

'There are over fifty mercenaries here. I know how drained you get after healing, and Hawke can't fight.'

'Can too,' Hawke said sleepily. She went to jump down from the table but nearly ended up flat on her face. Two pairs of hands caught her. 'Maker's balls,' she muttered.

'You need to carry her, I'll cut us a path to the exit,' said Fenris. Hawke became aware of the sound of running footsteps and men shouting from the floor above. Anders wrapped his coat around her shoulders and lifted her in his arms. The coat smelled like spice and wood smoke.

'I missed you,' she said, then giggled. Her head lolled backwards.

'How long will she be like that?' she heard Fenris ask.

'Too long,' Anders replied.


	8. Chapter 8 - This way

Hawke had no real memory of their escape. As they tore through the building she only had snatches of vision; Fenris, covered in blood, cleaving men almost in half, and Anders, holding her close with one arm while the other gushed flame. The sound of men screaming as their skin crackled and burned. The wet thud of a head falling to the floor. Fenris and Anders, fighting back-to-back, as they had done years ago, for her.

Like most battles, the fighting was done almost as soon as it started, and Hawke was aware that they were now outside in the dark. She could feel Anders' ragged breath against her ear as he ran. Tall pine trees flashed past her eyes.

'This way,' Anders called as he veered away to the left.

'Do you know where you're going?' Fenris shouted back.

'Of course I do. Away from that fucking place.'

Their pace gradually slowed until Anders had to put her down beside a large tree. Hawke sat with her back against the trunk and fought to keep her eyes open. The two men were breathing heavily.

'Anders, I'm so tired. What's going on?' she asked.

'It happens sometimes. You were in a bad way, Hawke. Your body is trying to make you sleep to finish your recovery. Just rest. We're right here,' said Anders between breaths.

Hawke smiled then yawned. 'That's what I'm afraid of, you'll kill each other when I stop watching you,' she yawned again. 'Don't kill Fenris, he helped me...' she closed her eyes and rested her head back against the tree. Hawke could still hear them talking, but it sounded like they were very far away.

'What the fuck happened?' asked Anders in a tight voice.

'It was the only way I could stop Sebastian from simply killing her. It was never meant to go this far but she wouldn't talk, she refused to betray you. I have no words to tell you how sorry I am.'

'I thought he was supposed to be going back to Starkhaven, to bring an army?'

'He became... obsessed with finding you, and thought that finding Hawke first would be the quickest way. She's not as discreet as you, we just followed the reports of tavern brawls until we found her,' said Fenris. 'I have to admit, Anders, you're taking this somewhat better than I would have expected.'

Anders laughed softly. 'What, you're wondering why I haven't flayed you alive yet? As surprising as it sounds Hawke has been a calming influence on me since we left Kirkwall. She's helped me find ways to control Vengeance. There was a lot of chanting involved.'

There was a minute where neither spoke. The wind rushed through the branches of the tree above and they creaked slightly.

'We should keep moving, find someplace where Hawke can sleep properly,' said Fenris.

Footsteps approached and Hawke struggled to open her eyes. Anders leant over her to take a closer look at two symbols that had been carved into the tree. He crouched down in front of her, eyes searching her face but it was Fenris he spoke to over his shoulder.

'There's a safe house not far from here. About an hour that way.' He pointed away to the left.

'I can carry her, if-'

'Not a fucking chance. I'm not letting you smear all that blood on my coat,' said Anders. Hawke giggled and closed her eyes again. Anders gathered her back up into his arms and led the way.

'Proud of you,' she whispered into his chest. Anders kissed her head and sighed.


	9. Chapter 9 - Clean but empty

The wood cabin squatted in a small valley next to a wide, slow-running river. Hawke had insisted on walking on her own once they got inside. She was frustrated, feeling like a damsel in distress, and hated the pain and concern she saw in both Anders and Fenris' eyes. She caught herself quickly on the corner of a table when she felt her head swim and her legs threaten to give way again. She noticed a letter, written in barely decipherable runes on the table top.

Anders set the small pile of wood that had been considerately left in the fireplace by the previous occupants aflame and turned towards her, rubbing his hands on his trousers.

Hawke waved the letter at him. 'Can you read this? I think it's from the Collective.'

Anders shot her a look then glanced quickly over at Fenris, who had been gazing out of a window at the river outside. Fenris held his hands up.

'I didn't hear that,' he said, before walking into the nearest bedroom and closing the door quietly behind him.

'You can trust him,' said Hawke.

Anders strode over to her and took the letter from her hand. 'Bollocks, the thought of hurting mages will always make that skinny bastard hard.' He scanned the writing. 'You're right, it's from a liaison, he's based in a small town about five miles away. They have spare weapons and armor, for the war. Ah, I thought that would cheer you up.'

Hawke's face lit up. 'I have nothing, Anders, not even any clothes. Everything I had was left in that place. When I think about how hard I worked to get those onyx blades...'

Anders coughed. 'If I remember rightly my love, you stole them.'

'And broke six lockpicks and a nail in the process,' said Hawke.

He smiled. 'I'll go there now. We'll need to move out at first light and if I know you like I think I do, you'll want to be armed to the teeth by then.' He hesitated and took a deep breath. 'Just... this night is yours, Hawke. Use it to rest and recover properly. I'll be back in a few hours. And you might want a bath, you smell like a mabari.' His eyes widened when he realised what his last word had been. 'Shit, I wasn't thinking...'

Hawke's jaw tightened but she touched his arm. 'It's okay.'

Anders moved over to the large copper boiler that sat behind the fire. Gleaming pipes led from the boiler into the kitchen and towards a tin tub that stood in the corner of the main room. As he pressed his hand against the copper, heat radiated out from his touch and the pipes groaned and hissed.

Hawke kissed him, removed his coat from her shoulders and passed it back. He left the cabin as she wrapped herself in a heavy wool blanket from a chair that stood near the crackling fire. She opened the spigot above the bath and watched the steaming water as it splashed into the tub.

Knocking gently, she pushed open the door Fenris had retreated behind. The tall elf was sat on one of the beds, head in his hands. He raised his head to meet her eyes.

'Anders has gone to find me some armor and hopefully a sword or two. Don't ask me where. I'm going to have a bath, so no peeking,' she said. Fenris stood and took a step towards her.

'Hawke. You don't need to act like everything is okay.'

'I'm fine,' she said quickly. 'Really, I'm just tired. I should go check on my bath.' Hawke backed out of the room and pulled the door shut. Placing a hand flat against the wood she stood there for a moment. Shaking her head, Hawke collected soap and a huge towel from the next bedroom and strode back to the bath to stop the flowing water. A woven wicker screen shielded her from view as she dropped her blanket and peeled off her blood stained underclothes. She hissed as she lowered herself into the hot water, which promptly turned rust brown as the blood that covered her body was washed from her skin. Frowning at the new scars that added to the multitude of white marks left by previous battles, Hawke picked up a grainy bar of soap and scrubbed, not stopping until every last scrap of dried blood had been removed and her skin burned pink.

Then she rested her head on her knees and wept.

xxx

The water had turned cold by the time she felt empty and her tears had run out. Rubbing her eyes, Hawke found the stopper at the far end of the tub. It wasn't unusual for houses built next to running rivers to have pipes that led directly outside for waste water and she was thankful that this cabin was no exception. She refreshed the water and scrubbed her hair. Finally satisfied that she was clean, and feeling a lot calmer, she stepped out and wrapped herself in the dark blue towel that had warmed next to the fire. Hawke padded to the bedroom she and Anders had claimed, knocking on Fenris' door on her way past to let him know the bath was available. When he didn't reply she shut herself in the other room, laid her towel over a chair and curled into bed. She was asleep before she heard Fenris' door open and the splash of the water as he washed somebody else's blood from his skin.


	10. Chapter 10 - Yours

Hawke woke to the sound of screaming. Her screams. She covered her face with her hands as she fought for breath and trembled in the dark. It was only when Fenris burst into the room and the light from outside illuminated the bedroom that she realised she was no longer in her cell.

'Fenris-' her breath hitched as he knelt next to the bed and pulled her into his arms.

'I'm here,' he whispered.

'Ah, shit, I'm sorry. I'm acting like a scared child,' Hawke tried to push him away but he held her against his chest with frightening strength.

'Do not apologise to me. This is my fault, and it's killing me.' He pulled back and smoothed her hair away from her face. '_Usque ad mortem, tuus sum ego_. Hawke, I love you.' His mouth found hers and he kissed her gently.

'I've always loved you, it's always been you,' said Hawke quietly, against his cheek. She was suddenly very much aware that she was still naked after her bath, and a heat began to spread between her legs as she realised that she could feel his skin underneath her hands, that he was pretty much naked too, save for a pair of linen trousers that hung from his lean hips.

Her heart beat faster as she wrapped both arms around his neck and kissed him deeply, opening her mouth in response to him, and twisting around on the bed so she could drop her legs onto the floor at either side of him. Rough, calloused hands ran down her back and over her thighs, then up to her shoulders as he pushed her backwards and down so she was lying across the width of the straw-stuffed mattress.

Fenris shifted his weight so that he was resting above her, one knee on the bed, his breath now coming in hard gasps as she kissed along the line of his jaw and down his neck. Hawke avoided the pale lines of lyrium that stood out against his dark skin as she knew from their single past experience that the skin under his tattoos was numb.

Her hands moved over the hard muscles in his chest and stomach and she pressed against the warm swelling she could feel beneath the thin material of his trousers. One hand slipped inside and rubbed along the smooth, hot skin of his cock. He moaned and brought his mouth down against her shoulder and swirled his tongue from her collarbone to her breast and bit down firmly on her nipple. He chuckled at her hissed curse, then murmured soft words in his own language as he kissed back up to her neck. The strange words in his deep voice sent a fresh shiver of desire and need through her.

Hawke pulled the trousers down from his hips and he kicked out each leg so they dropped to the floor. Fenris took both her hands in one of his own then pinned them back over her head while his other hand moved to the base of her neck. He held her there for a moment, both of them panting and flushed, eyes locked on each other.

Hawke arched and wrapped a leg over his hip, moaning when she felt the tip of his cock brush along the length of her slick opening and he gave her a dark smile as he pushed his hips back slightly, away from her seeking body. The hard, strong hand at her throat trailed slowly down towards her navel, then down between her legs and he watched her writhe beneath him as he stroked in small, quick circles. She growled his name and cursed again when she pulled against his restraining hand, she wanted to feel him, all of him, deep inside where she burned. Fenris held her there as the tightness in her body climbed and she begged him to take her, to fuck her, to own her.

They cried out together as his hand moved behind her back to pull her hips towards his and he thrust deep inside. Hard and fast, their need for each other blocked all other thoughts as he released her hands and they gripped each other tightly, Hawke felt every nerve in her body focus on the rush towards her climax and the exquisite pain in her shoulder as Fenris bit down hard as he came.

Breathless, Hawke pulled Fenris up by his hair to kiss his mouth. She tasted her blood on his lips and moaned again as he slid out of her.

Side-by-side they lay together in the flickering torchlight cast through the bedroom door from the main room. His finger traced the line of her throat. Hawke smiled and poked his chest.

'Before you distracted me, I was going to ask what you said.'

'When?' he asked.

'You spoke in Tevinter-' she rolled her eyes at the look he gave her. 'Sorry, _Tevene_, before you said that you love me. What did it mean?'

'_Usque ad mortem, tuus sum ego_ - until death, I am yours,' he said.

She yawned and rested her head against his chest, under his chin. 'That's hot.'

Fenris laughed softly and kissed the top of her head, before falling asleep with his arms wrapped around her.


	11. Chapter 11 - Ours

**Warning note: three way - boy/girl/boy. If you don't dig it, don't read it!**

Hawke had been deep in a dreamless sleep when she felt Anders climb into bed behind her. His hand ran down her side to rest on her hip, and he pressed his warm body close as he kissed the back of her neck. In contrast to the cool of Fenris' skin, Anders always felt as if he was running a temperature, like the magic that ran in his blood was heating him from the inside.

Hawke's eyes snapped open - Fenris was still asleep facing her. Naked.

_Ooh, shit._

Anders' hand moved up to her head and he pushed her hair away from her ear. 'Ah, and there's Fenris. I'm not even surprised,' he whispered.

'Anders...'

'It's okay. Like I said - this night is yours, Hawke.'

Fenris had started to stir as they whispered. He blinked, then opened his eyes with a start when he registered that Anders was in the same bed. Hawke quickly rolled over him so that she was laid on the other side of the elf and caught Anders' eye. The mage nodded at her with that sexy half smile he saved for these occasions and they both started to kiss and suck either side of Fenris' long, elegant neck.

'What the... venhedis!' Fenris swore as he struggled to sit up. Hawke giggled against his ear and felt the goosebumps rise along that side of his body while she ran her hands over his skin.

'Just relax, you'll enjoy this,' said Anders, as he ran his tongue up the other man's chin and caught his mouth in a hard kiss. The lines of lyrium glowed for about three seconds - Hawke knew this because she froze and counted with her heartbeat - then the light faded and Fenris raised his hand to Anders' chest. He pulled away and looked at Hawke.

'Why do I get the feeling you have done this before?' he asked, slightly out of breath.

'We used to get a two-for-one discount at the Rose,' she said with a dirty laugh, before kissing him, swirling her tongue against his and pushing him onto his back. She knelt between his legs and placed kisses, small licks and bites down his chest and stomach as Anders moved behind her. Fenris was already nearly hard as she licked along his length and ran her nails across his thighs. Anders cupped her breasts and pinched her nipples between his thumbs and forefingers and kissed the back of her neck and shoulders. As he pushed into her from behind, she took Fenris in her mouth and moaned against his skin. Fenris threw his head back and gripped the bed sheets as he called her name. The three moved as one, Hawke keeping time with Anders as he rolled his hips slowly, all three breathing words of lust and pleasure in their native languages.

Hawke felt Anders quicken with his thrusts, and his hand moved down to rub two fingers where she was most sensitive. She sat back against him and bounced against his hips, then leant up to kiss him over her shoulder. She switched to using her hand on Fenris and turned back to him as he sat up in front of her and met his lips. Both men were breathing hard, and she felt two pairs of hands running over her skin, one pair hard and rough, the other smooth and hot. Sweat ran down all three bodies as each strained for release. Tiny bright sparks of lightning snapped from Anders' hands and tingled over both her and Fenris as she felt the powerful mage come deep inside her. That set her off as she bucked hard against Anders and Fenris came in her hand and across her stomach.

The three let out breathless, shaky laughs and settled back down in the bed that smelled of sex and sweat, Hawke nestled between the two men who would die or kill for her without the slightest hesitation.


	12. Chapter 12 - A new story

Pale, early light streamed in from the window as Hawke blinked awake. Alone in the bed, she could hear the low voices and movements of the two men in the main room and kitchen. Stretching, a tightness in her shoulder made her look down, and she smiled at the pretty little teeth marks Fenris had left on her skin.

Opposite the foot of the bed sat a set of pine drawers, and a pile of leather and metal had been placed on top. Hawke hurried over and began sorting through the items, while keeping one ear on the conversation that floated in from the cabin's main room. She found plain cotton underclothes in the drawers and pulled them on, then began dressing herself in the light armor Anders had sourced last night.

'...I know, I've always known.' Anders' voice.

'What do you mean?' Fenris sounded evasive.

'You two, you're meant to be together. But she's too stubborn and you're too stupid to realise it.'

Hawke paused as she tightened the buckles on her new boots but neither man spoke for a moment. She stood and shrugged into the leather harness that accompanied two rough steel blades. Testing their balance, Hawke whirled the twin weapons around her shoulders and chest, and flipped them several times in her hands. The air sighed as the blades flashed with deadly speed and precision, and she twisted her mouth in an expression of reluctant acceptance. They would do for now.

Slotting the daggers into the harness on her back, she turned and pulled open the bedroom door.

'I need you to accompany her to Ansburg-' Anders stopped speaking as Hawke entered the main room and she smiled at the pair sat at the dining table.

'Morning, gents,' she said. She grabbed a slice of hot toast from a stack on the table and smeared a thick layer of honey over it. Chewing, she gestured with the toast. 'Carry on, don't stop talking about me just because I'm in the room.'

Anders sighed. 'I was asking Fenris to go with you to Ansburg, if you're still insisting on attempting the joining with the Grey Wardens there.'

'What?' Fenris asked, as put his mug down with a bang. 'Why?'

'Bethany wrote to me about two months back. She told me there's a new darkspawn threat, like nothing the Wardens have ever known before. It makes this pissing contest between mages and the Chantry look like children at play.' She ignored the frustrated noise Anders made. 'Then a few weeks ago the Ferelden Warden Commander - the one you traveled with,' she said to Anders, 'She sent me a message asking for any support I could lend, as the Champion of Kirkwall. I don't think she heard how we got run out of town, so I decided to go and sign up.' She swallowed the last of her toast and started on another slice.

'Ignoring the real war, the cause that should be closest to your heart so you can throw yourself at some ceremony that'll probably kill you,' said Anders coldly.

'You survived it,' she shot back.

'And sometimes I fucking wish I hadn't!' Anders took a deep breath and pushed away from the table. Fenris stayed silent. 'You can't imagine what it's like. The taint in your blood, the whispers in your head at night-'

'I need to do this.'

'Shit, I know. But I have to stay here and help my brothers and sisters in this 'pissing contest'. That's why I want you, Fenris, to go with her.' Anders leant on the table and met his eye. 'I know you love her, and I know Hawke's in love with you. So I'm giving you my blessing, as long as you keep her safe. Hurt her again and I will kill you.'

Hawke felt sick. 'Anders, what are you...' He turned those warm brown eyes on her and sighed again.

'This is how it has to be,' he said quietly, before walking away into the kitchen. Fenris reached over and took her hand, before raising it to his lips and kissing her fingers.

'We should set off soon. Anders told me how to find the main road to Markham, and from there we can head straight up to Ansburg. We should be there within a couple of months,' he said.

Hawke was still staring at the kitchen doorway and she dragged her attention back to Fenris. To her scarred hand, locked in his. She took a deep breath and released it slowly. It had been foolish to hope Anders would change his mind and come with them. Hawke smiled, he was just as stubborn as her.

'Okay, well, since I didn't bring anything, I guess I'm ready,' she said. As they got up from the table, Anders appeared, holding two packs loaded with supplies.

'I'm going to leave this place as we found it then head back to my contact in town,' he said.

Hawke swallowed hard before pulling the mage into a tight embrace.

'I love you,' she whispered. 'Stay safe. And if I do find a fucking talking archdemon I expect to see your blonde ass next to mine on the battlefield.'

'Agreed,' he said and kissed her forehead before nodding at Fenris.

Hawke and Fenris stepped out into the cool morning air and began to follow the river as it flowed east to the sea. After walking in silence for a while, Fenris bumped her shoulder with his arm.

'Hawke, I have one condition if we're going to make this work,' he said.

'Oh you do, do you? Go on.'

'I want you to be mine and mine alone. No more swinging in brothels.'

'Hmm?'

'Was that a yes?' Fenris started to smile.

'Hmm.'

'Hawke...'

'Fenris.'

* * *

_Thank you so much for reading! x_


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